The past few days I have been really frustrated for no appearent reason. I think most of it is because of so many new reponisbilities that I have.

Tonight I didn't got trick or treating for the first time in my life.

Instead I went to a concert and it was a great time.

Hello middle teenage man/boy, goodbye kid.

  ¶ 11:17 PM 11 Comments

  Fear and suspecion are infectous and can produce a state of general hysteria that results in the destruction of rationality and public order.

I didn't write it but whoever did was right on that one.  ¶ 7:35 PM 0 Comments

  My car right now is on the blocks. There is no cv joint on th left side of my car. All the wheels are completely bald. Since there is no camber kit on my car the wheels drive like this /----\ its horrible. I need new rotors and brake pads. What does this mean? I won't have a car till next weekend. So that really sucks. I'm forkin out mad bank for my ride.  ¶ 3:02 PM 0 Comments

  I highly recommend Lit'l Smokies.  ¶ 12:55 AM 0 Comments

  What an awesome night! I never thought I could have so much fun at a football game. I mean I went with Nick which was awesomebecause hes becoming a good friend of mine. Then I showed up in a really good mood. When I'm in a good mood I talk to people more. When I talk to people more I get confidence that I can talk to anyone and not feel self conscious about myself. So I mean I was talking to pretty much all my school mates which was really fun. I honestly forgot how much fun that could be just talking with kids about dumb high school drama. Also a great task by me was when I talked to my friend Hayley. That was nothing but I wasn't nervous around the cheerleaders. Like I usually feel like a pervert cause I'm looking at the cheerleaders. I feel that they think I'am cause Im looking at them. It's really wierd phobia of mine. After the game me and Nick left and had a grand all time talking about crushes, life, science and even about music. What a great night!

What's so great about drinking? Please tell me in my guestbook.  ¶ 1:39 AM 0 Comments

  A broken constallation...

Many nights I've spent looking up at the stars
These stars to me are all the people in my life.
I look apon each one with so much anticipation.
Looking forward to see each one. Each star
Has a different meaning to me. Some are bright
Some are cloudy and some are hazy. These
Canstallations make up the whole sky. Except
This one lost constallation. I can't find it. The sky
Is broken. These pieces have rubbed off on
All the other stars. One day the stars will
Fall from the sky and maybe bring me back.




  ¶ 3:52 PM 0 Comments

  Today in my first day of class I seemed to be in a good mood. When I'm in a great mood I usully talk to people more which is a good thing. So I guess I didn't even relize it but I was talking to *A* I mean I seriously didn't get nervous or nothing. I guess it was her birthday and I think she turned 17. Well she got a whole lot of ballons and I was joking with her. She actully laughed at my dumb ballon joke. It was great! After that class I was talking to everyone and I seemed to be happy. Which is awesome. Well here's the joke. She got these big balloons that say Happy B-day on them, she was walking to the door with them and she was behind some people and I was like "Where'd *A* go?" She started laughing it was great so I can say that I don't really think I have a chance but atleast she's cool with me and this whole thing will stop. It's just like I treated her like a goddess when she's just like you and everyone else. Just one thing I relized today. I think I can say that I feel the most comfortable when I make people laugh and feel good about themselves, and of course me.  ¶ 3:16 PM 0 Comments

  Ok I'm stuck in a watermelon vine. Wait is that right? Well anyways according to some people there is this girl that likes me. I think to myself ok, that's cool. It's not just any girl it's a girl that I met freshmen year and have always liked. Then I hear that she likes me! What's up with that? I mean it's cool. So I decide I should go talk to her and all that good stuff but it seems as if she doesn't like me, as if it was just a crush. So I think I should just ask her out anyway. I mean how often do you get a chance to go out with a varsity cheerleader.  ¶ 11:00 PM 0 Comments

  Last night would have to go down as one of the best night's of my life and it is all thanks to Nick. I got to see Fairweather which Nick recommended me and he was absoulutly right when it came to them. I rocked at the whole night and my ear is still ringing. I needed a night like that where I got to see so many of my different friends which was completely awesome. I can honestly say that those guys put on such a great show and I wish I could see them rock out again.  ¶ 2:39 PM 0 Comments

  I woke up today at about two o'clock which was really nice cause I wasn't able to sleep in yesterday. Man did it feel good. That was pretty much my whole afternoon. I sat down and watched some T.V. which was lucky of me because I got to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I just love that movie it always makes me happy and think about how cool it would be to go to a real chocolate factory. Also "I got a golden tickit" is such an awesome song. It's been in my head all day which is a good thing. Tomorrow morning is going to be a really horible day because I have all my classes and I think I have two tests which I do not want to take. After that though I'm going to the best show ever. Tomorrow night at Skrappy's, Last Rock Stars presents Zao, Grade, Fairweather, Thorsh, and Finch. It's going to be amazing. I think im going to get all my batteries for my camera so I can record all the bands Hopefully I have enough tape to record them all.   ¶ 10:31 PM 0 Comments

  I can honestly say that today was a really great day! A good day like this hasn't happened in the longest time, I think the last good day was when I hanged with nick. So I woke up today at 6:45 and I went to the PSAT's at my school. I was there for about 3 hours and got to hang with three really cool girls. I usully don't hang out with them but we went out to lunch which ws fun. Just doing that would have been a good day but it gets better. At about 2 o'clock I took a nap that I need badly, which was so refreshing. Then I had to work. This was not bad at all, because I did common area. Common area is where you go into the lobby and just tidy it up. So there was this halloween ball going on in the presidio ball room. Man there were so many hot women there. I could not beleave my eyes. Most of them were wearing those J. lo dresses which made work fun. After that my day would be set, but I got to hang out with a really hot sexy girl, and meet a really cool guy named darren. So today was a pretty good day. Something I really needed.  ¶ 1:45 AM 0 Comments

  PSAT's arn't that bad. I guess I just got to hang out with three really cool girls which mad it worth while. I guess I just needed to do that.   ¶ 1:46 PM 0 Comments

  Many kids tomorrow will have to wake up at 6:30 to take a test at 7:15. What is the point of that? Don't all the studies show that kids are smarter when they get sleep? Well that's the way I see it. Not only that but it's a saturday and who wakes up early on a saturday? I was thinking about it and I don't think that I've gotten up this early in almost two years. That is pretty crazy but I guess I'm so used to it so it has become a routine for me to sleep in.

Why is life so difficult? I've been in the wierdest moods lately, and I don't know why. It's just like I feel like going out and doing something and when I'm there I feel like going home. Than I get the motivation to do something with my friends and than when they come over I just get really bored and tired. I guess for right now I need to find some person that I don't usully associate with and just chill with them, with no worries. Also I think it should be a girl. I think that for some wierd reason I get along with girls why better than guys. I mean I just can be more of myself around girls like as if some way I'm trying to impress them but I'm just having fun.

Nick I'm warning you as a friend not to read this!!!! You will say dumb stuff about me in your mind which is not neccessary!!!

Look away!!

Turn it off!!!

Last chance

All you other people listen to this joke.

I was on my friends roof today and I accedently fell off the side. Some how I landed on some Coca-cola.

Good thing it's a soft drink.  ¶ 11:22 PM 0 Comments

  These last few days have been busy with me doing homework and trying to drive my car without getting killed. The other night I stalled it At Calle Concordia and I was sitting at the light for atleast five minutes which really pissed me off. Also I've just been trying to learn how to drive my car which I thought would be easy but it's turning out quite difficult. So I just wanted to say that a fellow CDO student was hit by a car a couple of days ago and I havn't heard much of it but I hope the best to hime and his family.

A sense of freedom has overcome me with new emotions of a new life. That is a life with a car.  ¶ 11:35 PM 0 Comments

  WOW! I talked to her today.  ¶ 10:58 PM 0 Comments

  I was in History today and we were learning about alaska. So I was like let me A-LAS-KA you a question.  ¶ 6:43 PM 0 Comments

  Yeserday I went to a museum and it was great! Today was a really boring. The most exciting thing is that I got new seats in one of my classes. The only bad thing is, is that I have a perfect view of the hottest,coolest, sweetest girl alive. You may think why is this bad? Well cause it seems like everytime I look at her she catches me. I guess it's all good she still says Hi to me. Well I posted a post yesterday and it didn't show up. So i'm kind of mad about that. It was just on how much fun learning can be. When you take the time yourself and do it for yourself it can be really fun. LIke I had this extra credit assisgnment and I just wanted to go to get the points but it ended up like i was there for two hours just taking in a lot about the Indians that lived, and live on our terriotory. I guess learning isn't that bad, I guess I've just been thinking about it. Am I growing up?  ¶ 6:22 PM 0 Comments

  One thing I hate is when your taking a shower, and as soon as the water hits you your freaking cold. I hate that. But then it's warm again.  ¶ 11:58 PM 0 Comments

  There's this place in my nieghborhood that lay's beneath the mountains. This place is what you would call my thinking spot. This spot to me is as wonderful as a thinking spot can get. It's something in my life where I can sit down and think of what's ahead of my life. It just helps me deal with life and maybe forget about everyday stresses. During the day you can look up at the mountains and just sit and stare for hours. At night you can go up there and look at the Oro Valley skyline and just relize how wonderful this little town can be. Sometimes I bring my guitar up there and just play. No one can bother me, no one can tell me to keep it down. All I can say is that I wish more people took the time to sit down and think about how lucky they really are and not just take everything for granted.   ¶ 6:25 PM 0 Comments

  Ever since I got my car it has been consuming so much of my time. All these things I had plan for the week just changed from the moment I got my car. Is it a good thing? I can't decide, because I am having a really fun time fixing up my car. When I got it there was all this crap done to it to make it look "cool" but yet it was ugly. Of course I'm fixing it up. I was hopfully going to hang out with some cool girls this weekend and a good friend of mine but its just that I need my car ready so I can drive it to school and other places like that. Lately it has become a neccessity for me to have the car. It's great though, since I can only drive in the neighbor hood I feel a sense of freedom. Its just a really great feeling to know that I can go anywhere I want with MY car. You won't know this feeling until it happens and I wish everyone could have that feeling of earning something yourself and being able to apreciate more than anyone else.

  ¶ 1:56 AM 0 Comments

  Freedom... Think about it.  ¶ 1:10 AM 0 Comments

  Have any of you who read this (nick, and maybe two other people) ever had the security of knowing you actully have money in the bank? Well yesterday I had 2,853 dollars in the bank. Today I transfered the money towards my car and now I only have 53 dollars. I mean it's money that I was accustomed to having in there. Now I don't have that security. I guess it's a good thing that all my hard worked payed off which I'm really happy and know one else can take that away from me. It's wierd today was the first day when I didn't go in the internet tell like right now. I've just been working on my car, which is kind of wierd. I didn't even get that urge to go out and do something with my friends. Which I'm sure they're wondering about. Wait I havn't even told them I got my car. Whoops! I'm sure they're out anyways.   ¶ 12:39 AM 0 Comments

  "I never want to say my best days are behind me." New End Original  ¶ 4:36 PM 0 Comments

  I ended up getting my car tonight. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA
I suck at stick though.  ¶ 4:26 PM 0 Comments

  You know that smell, that you wakes up to in the morning on your way to school during fall. That smell reminds me of something pure, and something new. Whenever I smell it, it makes me feel like I'm born again. A brand new day if you will. It's such a good reminder to me because of all the crap that happened yesterday doesn't exist anymore. So every morning when I wake up fairly early it makes me sit down a say thanks. Thanks for letting me live, having great friends, having a good family, listening to great music, and just being me.

I'm still seriously pondering if I should start my own label. It seems like a really cool thing to do but it would be very difficult and I wouldn't know what I was getting myself into. Every since I hung out with my good friend Nick over the weekend it made me relize how cool it is to represent a band. He does it through promotion which is representing them in a local area for that town. My task would be representing them through out the whole world which is a greater task. So i really can't decide. When I would do it is when I have enough money saved up. I also need to research it more and know how to deal with the business aspect of it.

Go check out Nicks site. If you won't some good writing and my doesn't do it for you try his. Actully I wish I could write better.  ¶ 2:40 PM 0 Comments

  What a day. I woke up around three o'clock than I had to be at work at four. That wasn't so bad so I got off around like seven and I booked it home so I could watch 7th Heaven. It was an allright episode nothing great. Than me and my friends just went around crusin. I was supposed to hang out with some girls tonight but that fell through cause I forgot to tell Larkin about the plans. Well these girls seem really cool. Hopefully I'll get to hang out with them this week im just hoping. This one girl seems really cool her name is Jenica. So I want to atleast hang with her.

Tomarrow is the decidingfactor if i get my car or not. My dad should let me get it but if not im going to be like this is the car I want. So I'm going to be really assertive and aggressive. It's going to be the greatest feeling when I get that car. It's gonna be all mine and nothing can take that away from me cause I earned it.  ¶ 12:12 AM 0 Comments

  Today I went and looked at my car. It's a pretty cool car. The best part of it is that I earned it. I think I get it on Tuesday if everything goes as planned. So that was my afternoon. Than I had to go to work which always sucks. Than I went and hung out with some friends at this really nice place. So yeah my life is boring.   ¶ 12:43 AM 0 Comments

  Today was a day filled with a whole lot of nothing to do. I woke up around one and I was suppose to go look at this car that I might buy. It ended up that he didn't call me. So I ended up calling him and he was eating with his dad which ended up being cool. So hopefully I'll go see it tomorrow. Allright I feel like an idiot. This might be dumb but I meet this girl on the net last night. She had a really cool name too. It's one of those names where it sounds like one thing but its the other thing. Of course me being an idiot screwed up her name when I was talking about her. I was talking to Kristen and I was like Jenette seems cool. When it should of been Jenica is cool. The sad thing is I didn't relize it at the time. So I feel like an idiot, and for some reason I know she's going to tell her. Ohh well it's just dumb high school drama. What else happened, ohh yeah I said hi to a really hot chick at work and she actully was like " How are you?" I thought that was pretty rockin.  ¶ 1:54 AM 0 Comments

  I went to a football game tonight and it wasn' that much fun. Most of the time they are fun, but I can't say that I've been to one in a long time. It's always cool to say HI to friends you don't usually see but that's all it ever is. When you see some one that is not in your intermediate friend you won't hang with them. I think its pretty dumb. Man there is this one girl that I think is so cool and amazing. I say hi to her at school but that's pretty much it, but one time she did start talking to me it was cool. She looked so incredible tonnight and theres not one thing I can do about it. Except say Hi. After the game we went to pick up Bryan but that wasn't to exciting, than we ate at Mama's Pizza which was pretty good. That was pretty much my night. The best part though is I have a week off and I might be getting my car. Please sign my guestbook.  ¶ 11:56 PM 0 Comments

  So I just wanted to say that I have had a hard time dealing with the whole band, but this is the last time I will go into it. I decided I need to move on. The guys are still my friends but I have no respect for what they did to me and I seriously think I lost something. I seem to feel really awkward around them, I'm a lot more cautious around them. When they make a joke about me I don't know if they are serious or If its real. I just can't really trust them yet. I feel as if I have to watch my back all the time. It will heal overtime but when it ocmes to music with them all the bands I once enjoyed are tainted. Well just wanted to say It's cool, but you have to understand. I don't think I can forgive you guys for the band thing, but I will move on and maybe see you guys on Mtv one day.
  ¶ 9:04 PM 0 Comments

  Not much has happened in the past two days. I just have had a lot of homework for school, and that's pretty much it. I've been doing a lot of thinking of what I want to do with my life and the only thing that comes to mind is music. What I want to do is unclear. I don't know if I want to start my own label, play music, or record it. It's just something I need to think about. I feel that it would be the funnest to be in a band a go on tour but that dream had kind of been blown away. I always saw myself going on tour with my old band, I also thought that they would never kick my out or even think about it. If I had my own record label that would be sweet because it would be all the bands that I love, and maybe make something out of them. If I recorded music it wouldn't be as cool as I would think it would be. This would be because dumb slipknot kids would come in and want me to do miracles for them when they already suck. I just woudn't want to hear music I didn't respect. Also I need to know what classes would be good for this cause I have no clue what so ever. My life has just made a drastic turn, and I didn't see the sign.  ¶ 2:30 PM 0 Comments

  Another day gone by... Another day that I lived... Another day that I am alive...   ¶ 10:37 PM 0 Comments

  I can't wait tell school is out for a week? This year is seriously the toughest years of my school career and life. I've have so many difficult classes right now and its hard to manage it all. It seems that I'm doing good in classes but than all I have is C's, which isn't normal for me. Not only that but it seems like my friends from sixth grade have abanded me. This is because of this band that we created, that I thought was for fun and if we got good maybe we could proceed it later on. My friends and I every weekend would get together and write ___adj.___ music. This music from what I have heard was terrible but it was fun. The poppy-punk stuff was really easy to play but I guess, according to them that I would get off-beat. This is because I was too busy having fun with them, and they didn't see this. When they came over to my house to kick me out I did not see it coming. It seems when people feel threatend all of a sudden they have integrity. This integrity that I had at the time was completely pleading to my friends that I could get on beat. This was seriously horrible. It seemed to me that i was put on trial to have to fight for my friendship. You might be thinking why would friendship have to do with all this. Well let me tell you why, we grew up together since middle school and were all juniors in High School now and the band was for us to hang out on weekends having a good time and tan performing at this local club. That whole bit was the greatest moments of my life. The band to me was everything, I dont like school so in weekends nothing is better than hanging out with your best friends making music. Whenever I would talk to something I would always mention the band. That's all I would look forward too. When they all decided to kick me out it was like feeling my heart sinking down to the bottom of my feet. I had no feelings whatsoever. They told me that night that they still wanted to be friends. How could they be my friends when they kick me out of the one thing that makes me happy? What kind of friend is that? I told them that night that everything was going to be different. They all said no we still want to be your friend nothing is going to change. I knew that night that everything in my life seemed to being going down. We did write a song called drifting apart. I want to be thier friends but they have to understand what they did to me and I don't think they do. They won't know until it happens to them. I still want to be thier friends but they seem to stick with each other but I'm here by myself. All my other friends are great though and I apreciate what they do for me especially all that cute girls that I know, and of course some new friends that I have made this year.

Failed another physics test today.  ¶ 11:06 PM 0 Comments